Thanksgiving 2011

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. My boys are 3 years old and 20 months. While getting jammies on, I was asking Cash what we are thankful for. Earlier he replied with answers such as "Cheez-Its" "pretzels" and "peanut butter crackers" thus fully demonstrating the very here and now thoughts of a 3 year old.

So while getting on jammies, he said he couldn't think of anything (basically he doesn't understand the concept of Thanksgiving - hence why we were talking about it!). So I said, "Remember when talked about it earlier? When you named all those foods that we have and we are so thankful that we have food to eat? We are so lucky that we never go hungry. Cash, did you know that there are some people who don't have very much food? Sometimes there are kids that are hungry." And he got very concerned, obviously really thinking about that.  Then he said, "But maybe we can share!"  Cue Mom's tears. What a simple response. What a simple answer. And to a 3 year old, there is nothing complicated about it. I am such a proud mommy.

We talked a little more about it and he got more and more excited saying, "We can share, Mommy! There are some kids, and they don't have any food, and they are hungry, and we'll say, 'here's some food!' and then they won't be hungry!"

The thing is, we're broke. I always feel like we are broke. Never enough money. Too many bills to pay (DAMN IT, why did we go to college!?  j/k)  And with being somewhat jobless as of late, it's gotten worse and worse.  Like many families in America, I have to set a tight food budget, plan meals with the idea the leftovers will be lunch (not always a bad thing!), and we sometimes have cereal for dinner. But seriously. If we can still afford pop, cookie dough, or order in a pizza, we can't be doing too bad.

So now I am on the hunt for a food pantry so we can go pick out some canned goods (at the store, not the food pantry), drop them off and show Cash how we can help. Even if we'll be eating cereal that night.

Counting my blessings and running out of fingers and toes!

It's that time of year. The holidays are coming up. Snow has covered the ground (and disappeared all in the same day!). And I personally think that everyone has done a GREAT job not focusing on Christmas until we are done with Thanksgiving!

It seems to be a popular thing where everyone is posting 30 days of thankfulness on Facebook. This is actually a refreshing change from people bitching and moaning! I didn't get on the 30 day posting bandwagon, but at least I can write it here, and then anyone who feels so inclined can read it here!

I'm thankful for:
-My sweet little boys, Cash and Declan. They are (as I tell them daily) my whole world.  They light up my life, drive me crazy, and make my heart feel better all at the same time.
-My wonderful husband, Nathan. He is my best friend. He makes me laugh, occasionally makes me cry, and is always there to kick my butt out of self-pity when I am down.
-Nathan's very stable job which allows me to have a flexible schedule in working, thus also allowing me to have time to take care of our household, make doctor's apointments, and cook.
-My KS family, who I don't get to see near enough. Especially thankful when they make the time and effort to come visit me in MI.  I can't wait to hold a Christmas in July when we have our next house and all members of my KS family will be expected to be there!
-My MI family, who I still don't get to see near enough. :)  I have the best in-laws a person could ask for, and so much support for my boys. Especially grandma.
-Our FL family, who we REALLY don't get to see near enough. But the boys love their Papa and Grandma Letta (and sometimes if we are lucky, Auntie Erica!) so much, and we take advantage of our time when we do get the opportunity to visit!
-The second mother of our household, Andrea. She is our daycare provider and I don't know what we would do without her and her loving family! They are so good to our boys and we never worry when they are with her!!
-My girlfriends, of which I have many. They understand. They let me vent without too much judging. And they make me laugh. Alot.
-All my non-parent parents. Ricky and Tricia. DeAnn and Bruce. My Kroc mom, April. I'm very blessed to many parental figures in my life, even though I'm in my thirties.
-To have two working cars that don't have car payments. *knock on wood*
-Deans French Onion Dip, Dr. Pepper, Reeces Peanut Butter Cups, and Jet's 8 corner pizza.
-The opportunity to work in a fitness center, which keeps me working out on a semi-regular basis, and provides a great place to train for 5ks, and triathlons.
-Facebook. Such a silly thing to be thankful for, but I get to keep in touch with family, with friends, share pictures, and stalk people.
-Dave Ramsey. Is this a silly thing to be thankful for?  Well, going through his 13 week course really put our financial situation into perspective, and made us set realistic goals so we can be debt-free and have a great retirement!

What else?? So many things. I am very blessed. I make sure to tell my boys (all 3 of them) every day how much I love them. I'm going to make sure that as my children grow up, they are always thankful for the things that we have. That might not be alot when it comes to cool toys, or nice cars, or expensive vacations, but we have so much more than that. And I am thankful.

The things we're teaching.

Parenting is a big responsibility. There is this little person (or two) that you are in charge of. You are supposed to teach them all the do's and don't's of life. The things that are appropriate... or not. Oh, and don't get me started on manners. If you aren't teaching your children manners and how to be polite, and respect others, then SHAME ON YOU. Don't even get me started.

Here's the thing, though. Having small children is also an opportunity to teach them how to have fun, how to be silly, and with that: how to be creative.  And sometimes you just can't help but show them the things that make life fun, even if they aren't always the most appropriate. Here are some things we do in our household to have fun.

Dipping: one of the first thing that parents show children while thinking, "I know I'm going to regret this at every meal after this."  There is nothing more magical to a toddler than dipping. Whether it's pancakes into syrup sausage into orange juice, hot dogs into ketchup carrot sticks into soup, or chicken nuggets into ranch green beans into yogurt, dipping.is.fun.

Snuggling: not that snuggling is bad. Not at all. Forget about that 1% of you (well, me at least) that appreciates a sick kid when they wouldn't snuggle with you otherwise.  Or when you sacrifice watching adult TV and suffer through a.n.o.t.h.e.r. episode of Caillou (yech!) in exchange for two snuggling boys. Oh, and then there was last night, when Cash got out of bed, came to my room where I was reading, and said, "Mommy, I want to snuggle with you."  I didn't care that it was 10:00 at night. I said, "Come on up, Monkey." And prayed we weren't starting a bad habit.

Bodily noises: seriously. You can't live with two little boys and not laugh when they look surprised after a fart, smile at you after a burp, or giggle while making themselves sneeze just so YOU will laugh (true story: Declan somehow made himself sneeze about 15 times). Or the best is when Nathan or I fart (gasp!) and look at the boys and THEY say, "'Scuse me."  HAHAHA!  Funny kiddos.

A few other honorable mentions: Nathan showing them how to put the couch pillows on the floor and jump off the couch onto them (while I was at work!), giving them a snack right before dinner... so I can make dinner, and getting our clothes all wet from playing in puddles - it's just water, people! Clothes will dry.

I know there are many more things, and maybe even a few I wouldn't want to publicly admit on my blog (but will gladly share with you after a glass of wine). But overall, I am very content and happy that we are raising two VERY polite, very sweet, and uber-hilarious children.

The things I don't want to forget.

I love watching my get bigger and smarter and funnier. The things that come out of their mouths amaze me. Especially when Cash dropped the s-bomb after spilling cold water on himself (at least he used it correctly!) and the time he said, "damn it!" all day at daycare. Which, by the way, my daycare lady's husband thought was hilarious. We thought it was funny too, but obviously had to nip in the bud!  Recently we've had two funny stories that I want to remember, so I'll document them while also keeping you amused for a few minutes.

Nathan is currently in New Jersey for a training, and so I have the boys on my own for a few days. We had to go run some errands on Sunday (he had already left town) so I told Cash that we had to leave in a little while to go run some errands. He said that he didn't want to go, and that I could go, and he would watch Declan. I said, "You are going to babysit?" and he said, "No I'll just watch him."  I told him that was very sweet but that this time they could just both go with me. Then I sweetened the deal with Apple Dippers from McDonalds (which was selfish because I really just wanted a Coke).  We still had some free coupons for the Apple Dippers so we wouldn't want them to go to waste!

Then today we were on our way to daycare and at a stoplight.  There is a gas station at that light, and then a liquor store across the street.  We've been at that stoplight hundreds of time, so he know that is where Daddy gets beer (which is funny because Nate has actually NEVER shopped there). So here is how that conversation went:

Cash: Look, Mommy! There's Daddy's beer truck!
Me:  Yup, that one's called Miller Lite.
C: What's that man doing?
M: He's taking the beer inside to the store.
C: Maybe Daddy can get beer from the beer truck.
M: Nope, the truck takes it to the store and then Daddy has to go to the store to get it. He can't get it from the truck. But sometimes if we go to a nice restaurant he can get it there. Not like McDonalds, though.
C: Yea, McDonalds is mean.
M: What?
C: McDonalds is mean.

I then spend  5 seconds trying to figure out what he's talking about when I realize that I said we had to go to a NICE restaurant (as opposed to a mean one). I started laughing and then spent the next few minutes trying to explain 'fancy' to him. 

Too funny. That kid cracks my shit up. Oops - I guess we know where he gets the swear words...

The joys of potty training.

My whole life right now revolves around peeing and pooping. No joke. Although I've gotten hear so many people brag about their early potty trainers ("She was fully trained by two!" "He watched his older brother and was trained by 18 months" "She walked out of my uterus and said, "Mommy, I have to go!""), my almost-three-year-old was apparently a slacker. He just showed no interest. So I wasn't going to push it, although spending $40 a month on diapers (times two kids!) was really starting to get on my nerves.

I started prepping Cash about a month before his third birthday. When someone would ask him how old he was going to be on his birthday, his answer became a robotic, "Three, and we don't wear diapers when we're three." This always got a laugh, but underneath it was serious tone.

About two weeks after we started this mantra,  we took a weekend to begin. Off with the diaper, on with the big boy underwear (forget superheroes and dinosaurs, he has to have underwear that looks like Daddy's!), and in with the fluids. He went pee 7 times that day! Woohoo! Stickers and candy all around! From then on, he was pee-trained. 

Now comes the hard part (literally... ew!). Pooping. For some reason little kids are afraid to poop on the potty. I'm not sure if it's the new sensation (lack of sitting in your own $hi+??) or the actual poop itself (apparently some kids think it's going to "get them!") but he began to hold it. And hold it. And hold it. Anyone who's ever been constipated can relate. Poor little dude. Cue increase of non-diluted apple juice, decrease in bananas, and a pooping prize-box.

*side note - I did have an episode last night with a floater in the tub. Good news was I got him out in time to finish on the potty. Poor Declan - he did NOT look happy about the extra bath toy in his bath (they were bathing together!).
I think I can (knock on wood) say that Cash is now OFFICIALLY potty trained. And 95% of it was by his 3rd birthday.  Thanks to the grandparents buying lots of new undies for him, we now got a $40 a month raise! Go Cashy!

Out of the Darkness

Well, it's been a LONG time since my last post, and since the last one was about my mom, I'll start again with the same subject. On October 1st, I did the Out of the Darkness walk for suicide awareness and prevention. Thanks to the generosity of my friends and family, I raised over $600 for the cause, and our team was 3rd place in raising money. What an amazing walk it was. Although it was cold, the sun was out, and people were in good spirits. The group that put the walk on did an amazing job. They put together a video of the walker's loved ones who had commited suicide, offered a banner you could sign, a reflection area, and even a smores station halfway through.

We had a wonderful group to walk with. Shalene, Stefanie and her mom, San, Lori, Breona, and two new friends we met that day, Kitty and her husband, Dave. Oh, and a four-legged friend, Churchill. We all had lost a friend or a loved one. My favorite thing about the walk (which was also very sad) was you could wear beads representing the loved one that you lost. Red for a spouse, orange for a parent, green for sibling, and so on. It was interesting to see, without even talking to a person, a little piece of their story.

The walk was another step closer to having closure. It was good to bring the somewhat taboo issue "out of the darkness" and to be able to talk frankly about our stories and the issue. I hope to do it again next year, and hope that they money raised will help others.

I miss my mom.

Tomorrow it will have been a year since my mom died. I've done a lot of reflecting this week on my relationship with my mom. The ups, the downs, and the slightly (or not-so-slightly?) crazy.

I always knew that she would take her own life. For as long as I remember, she always said she believed in what Dr. Kevorkian was doing assisting the elderly or in pain to end their lives. I know it sounds crazy but she always said she wasn't going to live her life in pain or with someone having to take care of her every need. I think she was particularly fearful of Alzheimers. But I never thought it would be before my children were grown.

Although my mom was only 61, she had many problems both mentally and physically. She had been bipolar for a long time and was the poster child for alternating between extreme manic times and extreme depressing times.  She was starting to have problems with her memory forgetting entire conversations, or just little details.  She also had some physical problems ranging from shoulder issues, migraines, and a weird stomach lesion thing that only allowed her to eat sweets and meat.

Despite all of that (and so much more), I try to remember the good times that I had with her. I am glad that she was able to meet both of my children. She loved them so much, always buying them little toys, and just being happy to read a book or sit on the floor and play with them. I have a few pictures of her with each of the boys, playing with them, and reading, and that's something I'll always treasure.

There are so many other things that stick out in my mind. Although she drove me nuts, we had a lot of good times too.  It seemed to alternate every other moment. I was particularly sentimental the other day while I was at Taco Bell of all places.  She always loved the verde salsa from there and then it was discontinued for awhile. The other day I saw that it was back, and available in little packets so you could put it on yourself.  I thought of my mom and thought what a shame it was that she wasn't around to see that.  Stupid, I know, but made me sad nonetheless.

On October 1st, I'll be doing a walk called Out of the Darkness. The goal is to increase suicide awareness and work on methods of prevention. My goal is to raise $500 and I'm almost there. I hope that it can help many people through what I've been through, and maybe prevent some people from making the tragic decision to end their lives.

I Tri(ed) and did awesome!

I DID IT! I wrote down a list of goals when I turned 31: Things I wanted to accomplish.  On that list of a half a dozen items, "Complete a triathlon" was on my list.  I had just completed a 5k, which was a goal for when I had turned 30, so I was feeling good about it. As the months wore on, I lost focus and motivation and came up with a list of excuses why I 'couldn't' do it. No time to train, I'm not strong enough, I don't have a bike, I'll probably finish last... excuse after excuse. Then as the summer wore on, and I was losing weekends every time I turned around, I decided I needed to do it. Why the HELL not!? Why NOT me?  Ok, so I probably would still finish last but hey! At least I would have finished!

So I made the time.  I got stronger. I borrowed a bike. And in the end I didn't finish last. (Close to last but oh well - just more room for improvement!)  And it was amazing. Other than growing and birthing two little humans in my body (which really was left more up to biology than sheer will) it was the most awesome thing I've ever done.

Race day came and with lots of advice from one friend in particular (my inspiration - thanks Jen Lake!), I got all set up, felt the water, relaxed, and set in to enjoy it. "You only get one first tri," she said. I was slow in the water - but not the slowest - and I didn't drown!  Great start! Got on the bike with a rush of adrenaline, and I was off!  I even looked all official with my tri suit and the gu I was 'eating' on the bike. And I was passing people! Woohoo! Got done with the bike, and now I was really pumped - just a simple (ha!) 3 miles and I'm a triathlete!  I just took it one mile at a time, and wow. I told Nathan that although it sounds cheesy, I felt so liberated! I'm doing it! I'm DOING a triathlon! I am a strong and amazing woman! Go me!!


Passed that finish line, almost threw up on my friends who were congratulating me (almost), and enjoyed the feeling of success. I'm already looking forward to my next tri, in a few weeks. I'm going to shave at least 10 minutes of time, and put myself in a good position for next year. Now if only I can convince Nathan to do one with me. :) That will be on my goal list when I turn 32.

                                                           Before the tri - bring it on!

                                                                   After the tri - I SURVIVED!

Bro-bro see, bro-bro do.

Most of the time I LOVE the fact that my boys are only 17 months apart. They play together, they watch the same TV shows, and they even go to bed within 20 minutes of each other. They both still nap, they both love to eat, and they both love torturing the cat.

But sometimes, even though they are ONLY 17 months apart, they are STILL 17 months apart! Declan doesn't seem to realize that he is smaller, not as strong, and not as dexterous as Cash is. I try to never utter the words, "You can't do that," or "You're just too little," but sometimes he CAN'T do that, and he IS just too little. Once Declan has it in his mind that he wants to do something Cash is doing there is no stopping him.


About a few months ago, Declan decided that he was too big for the high chair. If bro-bro sat at the big (little kids) table, then he has to as well. Cashy's brushing his teeth?  Well, he has to also! And just today I tried to give him a banana piece OUT OF THE PEEL but NOPE! Declan has to eat his like Cash is eating his, holding the bottom of the banana and peeling it down (only he can't peel it down yet, so I still have to help).

Mostly this is great. Cash sets great examples and it's much easier to get Declan to do things that Cash is doing. Unless I don't want him too. Then it's the end of the world if he has to drink his juice box out of his cup in the car while Cash gets to drink it right from the packaging.

Here's to hoping Cash keeps setting good examples - and stops torturing the cat.

My name is Molly and I'm a closet eater (Hi Molly!)

I love to eat. Who doesn't? Nathan likes to eat too. It's one of the things we bond over. We love to eat out - in fact, we'd rather eat out to celebrate a birthday than get a present. We love to eat in - Deans French Onion Dip and Dr. Pepper used to be staples in our house.

Fortunately we like to eat healthy things too. We are both fans of most fruits, vegetables, and well-balanced meals. Not being a fan of a vigorous exercise routine, we have both managed to put on some pounds since getting married. (They say that to put on weight after getting married is a sign of a happy marriage - or just being lazy!) I would like to point out that I have had two small people use me as their home for 9 months and I wonder what Nathan's excuse is... sympathy weight?  :) After 7 years of marriage, Nathan was about 40 pounds over where he should be, and I just wanted to get back to about 10 lbs under my pre-Cash weight.

I have had a distinct advantage in my weight-loss journey over the last year. 1) I got a part-time job at a fitness facility. We have a family membership and I took advantage of it. 2) I only work part-time (I have another part-time job but they still don't equal 40 hours a week) so I had more time. 3) Once I turned 30, I got all sorts of motivated to do things I've never done athletically.  I tried spinning, I ran a 5k, and in 4 weeks I'll complete my first triathlon.

Nathan has had a harder time because 1) he works full time, plus more hours if need be! 2) He plain old wasn't motivated. After several issues with his back, and a few rounds of gout (that story is for another time!) he decided it. was. time.  So far he's lost about 20 lbs. He works out about 5-6 days a week. I even got him to spin class once a week and he'll start an awesome arms class in the fall. He (for the most part) sticks to his diet and doesn't cheat... much.

I, on the other hand, have become a closet eater. I can't drink pop around him (because I want to support him) so I have to get it during the day when he's not around. If I want something bad for me, I have to choose wisely when to eat it. I shop healthier, sending longing looks to the Doritos, and telepathic promises to the raw cookie dough. I'm usually not a candy eater but even the Hot Tamales and Startbursts (now they have an only pink/red bag!!!) are calling to me. Take me with you Moooooolly... He doesn't have to knoooooow....


On the upside, I work out a lot now, including training for my tri, so I think it's all a wash. But I do look forward to the day when Dean can come back (sans shame) into our household.

Here's a picture of us from Beaver Island. I'll post another when he gets farther along but for now he's doing so well and looks amazing!  I am very very proud!

I had to fire my maid.

Unfortunately, I recently had to fire my maid.  She's really a terrible house cleaner. She hates laundry, and it's constantly piling up, never to be folded and put away. She never vacuums, and since we have two little boys who love to play in sand, this is a problem. And she hasn't shown up in weeks. I mean REALLY! She gets here after I leave, leaves before I get back, I never see her. In fact, come to think of it, I haven't actually seen her for months... or is it years??

I have never been a 'have-to-have-the-house-spotless' kind of girl. My room was always messy growing up. I was definitely not the neat freak of all of my college roommates. And I consider myself very lucky to have found a partner in life who is equally as disorganized as me. :)

There's nothing like a clean house that smells like lemons. I'll give you that. A clean set of sheets is nothing short of heaven to slide into. A scrubbed-down kitchen makes me want to cook elaborate and tasty meals. And let's be honest - a clean bathroom? That's just a good idea at all times!

As I have gotten older, I have perfected the super quick house clean. Used to be that Nathan could call me and tell me he was on his way home (a 45 minute drive) and I would mega-clean the whole (tiny) house and he would be so impressed that I had been so productive all day! *insert day-off filled with Taco Bell, Facebooking, and reality TV.

Since having children, Nathan and I do make an attempt to pick up the house every night, even if it is only for 10 minutes. I still do my super clean, or employ strategies such as the  "10 minutes of cleanup, then 30 minutes of resting."   In the end, it doesn't really matter. If I was on my deathbed tomorrow I would not regret not keeping my house cleaner. My ability to overlook goldfish crackers on the floor and a huge pile of clean laundry behind the recliner is uncanny. Most days I'm thankful for the little socks that don't ever seem to have a mate, the toys that I step on in the middle of the night, and the cat barf that has accumulated in the corner (totally kidding on that last one!).  If the biggest thing in my life I have to complain about is a messy house then I'll take it.

We have a very happy, mostly healthy family and we have everything we need. (But don't get me wrong: I wouldn't say no to a maid if one appeared!)

PS - here is proof that at one time, those little socks DID have mates... where did they all GO!???

I love Beaver!

Woopsie - guess that title should have read "I love Beaver Island!" Oh well... it got you to read this, right?

It's been awhile since our last family vacation. Over the 4th of July, we were lucky enough to go to Beaver Island to spend time with Papa and Grandma Letta (Nathan's dad and step-mom). They usually live in FL but have some property they are building on. We hope this is the start of many trips there! We imagine summers where the boys can spend weeks at a time with their grandparents camping and exploring.

We took the ferry over, a 2 hour ride that was fun, if not a little long, for a 1 and a 2 year old. When we got there we got to see how the cabin is coming along, take lots of rides on the golf cart and gator, and get settled into our apartment above the cafe/bakery that is in town.

Mostly it was just relaxing, beach time, and having fun with Papa and Grandma Letta. Aunt Nicole got to come too so we always had her to play with!  Of course the busiest day was the 4th. We went to a parade, a carnival, the beach, and also got to see fireworks! I always appreciate the military and everything that they do for us, especially since I have so many family members that are/were active.  But there is something about seeing them marching down the street in a parade, with everyone standing, showing their respect, that gets me. So silly that a parade would make me cry, but (here comes the cliche) I AM proud to be an American. I'm so thankful that my children will be growing up in the land of the free. Where they can make their own decisions and have the freedom of speech that so many others don't have in this world.

We took the little plane back over to Charlevoix. It was an amazing trip, the boys were wonderful, and we look forward to many more!

Move over South Beach Diet!

I told the doctor that the abdominal pains I was having last weekend (which lasted a full 8 days) were comparable to labor pains. Only this time, there wasn't going to be some sweet little goo-covered face staring adoringly back at me when I was done (insert prayer here: Please, God, do NOT let me be those insanely stupid people on I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant).

So after 8 days of moaning and wondering if I would have something happen to me that was reminiscent of Alien, the pain stopped. Friday afternoon came, I was cautiously optimistic about feeling pretty ok. I went ahead and went to my doctor's appointment, although it was the kind of doctor's appointment where you are almost embarrassed because you actually feel better. Here words of advice were mind-blowing: keep getting better! Um... thanks.

Then I woke up... healthy! All the colors were a little brighter, the air smelled sweeter (probably because I'd been breathing the same air from my bed all week), and my two boys were well-behaved little angels again instead of grabby, needy, dirty boys.  Well, they were still dirty, but that was nothing a good scrubbing couldn't fix.

We decided to go on lots of field trips today (library, mall, grocery store, etc.) so off I went to get dressed. Grabbed my skinny jeans (only ones clean), mentally picking which top I would have to dig for out of the clean laundry pile on the floor. I knew the top would have to be loose-fitting because with this pair of jeans, my parting gift from my beautiful miracles (the grabby, needy, dirty ones) hangs over the top a little.

What?!  What's this?   The jeans are loooooose??? How is that possible? I haven't worked out in over a week! Oh, riiiiiigggghhhhttt.....  All I ate was 6 pieces of bread, a jar of applesauce, 3 bananas, 2 blueberry muffins, and some pizza (which doesn't really count because it only stayed in my tummy about 10 minutes before coming back up... ewwwww).  So there you go! 7 pounds lost! Pushing me to 15 pounds lighter than my pre-baby weight.

There are, of course, a few other secrets to my new diet plan that will be sweeping the nation, but I can't tell you everything - you'll have to wait for the book!  But don't you worry... when I'm famous, I'll still remember the little people! It's not a sweet little gooey face (thank goodness!), but 7 lbs?  I'll TAKE IT!

Nathan is going to starve if I don't get better soon.

Poor Nathan. For 75% of our marriage, I have made his lunch every day.  (The other 25% was when his work provided lunch, pop, coffees, and smoothies for him - along with about 20 lbs). For the last week and a half, I haven't been able to make it. I am literally curled up on the couch in the fetal position, willing my stomach pain to go away.

So he's made it. He hasn't complained. Hasn't even made one comment about it actually. He really doesn't mind making his own lunch. And contrary to the title of this post, he won't starve, because he has no problems finding his way to the kitchen. But I feel bad.

I love making his lunch. So weird, right? I get a satisfied feeling EVERY DAY knowing that tomorrow he'll be eating a well-balanced meal. He's got his main course (nothing fancy, just a sandwich or leftovers), he's got lots of veggies (which he loves to eat raw), usually some chips and crackers, and a 100 calorie pack for dessert. Totally balanced. Lots of food (even if it's low-cal), lots of love, and he's on his way! Sometimes when he cleans up the kitchen after dinner, he just makes it. Deep down, I suppose I'm grateful (woo-hoo! A night off!), but kind of sad too (just like a teeny bit).

It's just that I make food better than he does. We could have the same ingredients to make a burger - and they would both be good - but the difference is that in MY burger, every bite would be perfect. It would have bun, meat, cheese, veggies and condiments in every bite. My friends actually make fun of me. If I order a sandwich at a restaurant, when it comes to the table I take off the top, rearrange all the toppings, so they are equally spread out, put the top back on, and VOILA! Perfect sandwich.

Same goes for lunch. Let's say it's leftover taco day (one of the best!!). What Nathan would do is get a big Tupperware bowl, put his chips in, put the meat in, put the lettuce/cheese in, and take a little tiny Tupperware with salsa.  Sounds ok, except by tomorrow the chips are soggy, when you heat up the meat, the lettuce gets warm, and the overall quality is really compromised.  Me? Chips in the big Tupperware bowl. On top of that in separate snack baggies or smaller Tupperware bowls are meat (to be heated up individually), cheese, lettuce, and salsa.  Yes, it's more work, but oh, in the end you have such FRESH taco salad!

I can't wait until I "have to" make both my boys' lunches too. I'll have little assembly lines, the little -isms (N8 likes extra mustard, Cash doesn't like strawberries, Declan wants more fruit) and I'll be so organized. My boys will be grateful every day (they will learn this from Daddy, who makes a point to tell me everyday thank you for his lunch and that it was great).  And I will be happy knowing that they are eating well, and not complaining, and look forward to seeing what yummy surprises Mommy put in their lunch every day,

Does anyone want to come to a pity party?

This has been a rough week. Boys were sick, then I got food poisoning, which lasts about a week (I'm still not able to work and it's day 6), then Nathan got sick. This meant a not-so-great Father's Day, followed by me missing out on several hundreds of dollars worth of missed work. Unfortunately, working for yourself, you don't get paid sick days.

So I basically spend HOURS at the computer. Playing my game, checking Facebook, refreshing my email (no, Molly, you haven't gotten any new emails in the last 3 minutes since last checking). While on the computer today I found out a friend of a friend, who I don't even know is dying. He's been dying a slow and terrible death, and finally, today he will be at peace. I don't know him, never met him, he's never heard of me, and he lives like 8 states away, and yet I keep crying over this poor man. He's my age, has a 7 year old daughter who doesn't understand what's going on, and a wife who has to go on living even though I'm sure she'll just want to crawl under the covers and die too.

In the meantime, I'm already crying, so why NOT listen to the several voicemails I have saved on my computer from my mom, who died 9 months ago? I'm already sitting here with Pain and Sadness at my pity party, why not add in Torture? So I listened to my mom's voice for the first time since September. Some made me laugh, like the one where she went on and on and then said goodbye, but didn't hang up. I could hear her walking and talking to the dog, and then she must have looked at her phone, thought someone had called her, and said, "Hello?"  And some just made me sad, like where she mentioned Declan and Cash's names, and how she wanted to spend time with them, but in the end they weren't enough motivation to keep her here.

Sorry this is so depressing but it is, well, a pity party. It will go on for exactly 12 more minutes, then I'm going to get up, make something to eat (gee, will it be bananas, rice, applesauce, or ... hmmm... toast!?) and maybe maybe clean up the house a little, and wait for my 2 favorite little boys to come in and give me big hugs and kisses. The odds are also in my favor that Cash will randomly yell, "Happy Mommy Day!" like he does so often. Declan will inevitably drool all over me (more drool = more love, you know). We'll snuggle together and read, and I'll probably think back to my friend's friend, and get a little teary eyed. I'll squeeze them tighter and kiss them til it annoys them. And I;ll be thankful for everything that my life is.

Sniff, cough, hack, barf, and screams of agony: the sounds of our week

When it rains, it pours! As any family with children will tell you, it is very difficult for just 1 or 2 of you to ever get sick. Almost every time, it culminates into a factory of disgusting sounds, an array of varying meds (some cherry flavored, some chalk flavored), and no one is exempt.

Such has been our household the last week! It started off last week with both boys getting a virus, coughing and very high fevers. At one point Declan's fever was up to 104.7! Talk about giving a mama a heart attack! Just as they were getting better, Nathan got it too, but his cough is even worse, and comes with a dose of congestion. But mine takes the cake. I had gastritis, which is an inflammation of the stomach lining. Talk about painful (I was the source of the screams of agony)! I went to urgent care, and after getting some numbing stuff that worked for about an hour, I spent the next 48 hours in bed not moving. No fun for any of us!

I think we'll all be in fine shape to enjoy Father's Day tomorrow, but here's to hoping we are over the diseased hump and on our way to recovery!

Mrs. Murray - the teacher side of me.

I think that I could have been a great teacher. I really enjoy teaching people. For instance, there was the time I taught my friend how to turn her eyelids inside out. Or how about the time I showed my niece how NOT to melt butter for cookies (in a metal bowl in the microwave). And let's try not to remember the time I showed (the actor) Powers Booth's daughter, Parise, how to give the finger to her swim teacher when she was 4 (I was like 6 years old). Thanks to my brother, Matt, for teaching me that one.

As I've gotten older, the things I enjoy teaching have somewhat matured, thank goodness. I do enjoy teaching friends how to cook my few key recipes that wow guests. I love showing people how to use a computer including all those shortcuts on Word and Excel. They are impressed, and as a sidenote, I look really smart. :)

But the best thing is teaching my sons. What an amazing opportunity. I took Cash with me to the library today to pick up my books on hold. I decided on the way in that today would be the day he could actually check some out for the first time instead of just going to read. So we talked all about how you borrow them, and you have to be gentle, and take good care of them (we have several books with headless dogs or no 'peek-a-boo flaps). Then how we will bring them back and can check more out. He was very excited and as he perused down the aisles and aisles of books he said in a breathless gasp, "There's so many books!"  I'm so proud of him, and I love that he loves to read. Thanks to my dad teaching me about books, I still have an endless passion for books and the stories and characters that lie within. Such a small thing to teach: the literal process of checking out books, how to respect the books, and the responsibility of having a library card. But wow. I did that.

Just to be fair, I get to teach him some of the not-so-great stuff, too. I taught him how to jump out at Daddy and say, "BOO!" every time he walks in. I taught him how to play with his food. And I (woops!) inadvertently taught him how to say "dammit!" and "shit!" (which by the way, he does use correctly). I'm always amazed at how quickly he learns, especially the inappropriate things.

What are the dangers of baby barf in your eye?

How did you start your morning? Maybe a steamy shower followed by a hot cup of coffee? Feeling refreshed after a solid 8 hours of sleep? Your children cheerfully jumping out of bed ready for the day and following all instructions for getting out of the door on time?

Ok, now I'm just stretching it. Knowing that most of my followers are fellow moms, I understand that the previous paragraph is laughable. But laughable with a few sighs of hope, because really - wouldn't that be amazing? So even though I know everyone has mornings that followed a night of babies crying, or waking up having missed the alarm, or just having a plain old stubborn toddler (because they grow out of this, right?), I feel that on this morning, mine was grosser than most.

Apparently both the boys have some sort of virus that includes a cough, runny nose, and as a bonus, Declan's came fully equipped with an ear infection. It was already a sleepless night for all, but the cherry was when Nathan brought Declan back to our bed around 6:30am. Deck had already sucked down an entire sippy of water (N8 says, "Boy, he's so thirsty!") and is halfway through his second cup (that N8 gave him, after I said, "He doesn't need more water,") when I took it away. Declan cries and cries and spits up a little on my pillow (never Nathan's) and I go to pick him up. When he's at the 45 degree angle from the bed to my shoulder, suddenly his mouth opens wide and he does his best impression of the girl from The Exorcist and all of the water (and thankfully not much else) erupted FULL FORCE all over me. And I want you to know, when I say, "all over me" I don't mean a little on my shirt. I mean covering my face and hair, all over my chest and legs (I was somewhat scantily clad as I was in my pjs) and the worst part: in my eye. MY EYE! I shrieked very loudly, which in turn made him cry more, and I made Nathan delay going to work so I could immediately get in the shower.

Since then my morning has been as you would imagine: trip to the doctor, lots of snuggling, and just in general taking care of two somewhat happy boys (Declan felt much better after throwing up). Like most moms, I wish I could just be sick instead of them. It's so hard to watch anyone you love being sick, but the little ones are the worst. Although I complain sometimes (did I mention my eye??), I take what I can from it. And you'll never hear me complain about the 2 little arms wrapped tightly around my neck while a heavily-breathing baby is resting his head on my shoulder. I secretly want him to stay this little forever. I know what happens. They grow up. They don't want to hug and kiss anymore (at least, not their mom). And then they leave you (or rather, go on to be strong independent men of the world if you want to be all fancy). So until that happens I'll take the poopy diapers, the bloody teeth falling out, and even vomit in my eye. And I'll love every minute of it because it is a part of this amazing life that I am living. I wouldn't trade my sick little Decky-Doober for any other little boy who didn't barf in my eye.

What am I getting myself into?

I am somewhat hesitant to begin a blog. Nathan mentioned to me recently that I often have big ideas and I get over-excited about them, then don't always follow through. While I feigned being a little hurt at this, his words rang true, and I knew it. Some of these ideas have included writing a book (which I still want to do - but probably won't), starting several home-based businesses (which, actually, I did quite well but then lost interest after awhile), running my own massage business (as my only job), and training to do a triathlon this summer. Now, you might be saying, "Molly, the summer isn't over! You still have three months in which you could prepare to do a triathlon!" But the question is, will I? Really?  Those of you who  know me well probably know the answer.

Now sometimes I surprise even myself, so who knows? Case in point: I decided earlier this year that I was going to run a 5k. HA! Molly... RUNNING?!  The only thing I run towards is food (especially if it's free!). But lo and behold... I got the running bug, wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, and so I did! March 19th, 2011, I completed a 5k. Not only did I complete it, but I finished in 34:29 minutes which was under my 35 minute goal.

Back to my point: I am hesitant to start a blog in fear of losing interest. It's a valid concern. But I see my role models in the blogging world and know that my best friends will hold me accountable, even if they have to guilt me into it (which they will). My niece, Jessica, who will successfully (as of June 20th) have blogged her entire first year of marriage, day by day, and Katie, who blogs often to document all the milestones, memories, and little -isms that her daughter achieves. These blogs will be made into books that they (and their children) can keep forever. Amazing the world we live in today.

Usually this blog will be geared more toward all my boys (yes, Nathan will often be referred to as one of them), and our simple life and all the things that make it shine. Most of them will be mundane, and uninteresting to anyone who doesn't know our family, but to me, it is my whole world. And I love it.