My little independent stubborn smartie-pants

Oh, Declan.

Every day you try my patience. To quote a friend from earlier today, "Sometimes I lose my shit with you, but I LOVE it!"

You are equal parts stubborn, defiant independent, sweet, smart, and funny.  The things that come out of your mouth make me burst out loud laughing, then the next minute I have to threaten you with time out. 

You still won't potty train. WHY, OH, WHY!? You will be 4 in 6 weeks. We've officially been trying to train (on and off) for like a year.  Seriously. 

But oh, you are so sweet.  You call me pretty and tell me you love me when I least expect it. You share your last peanut butter cracker, and when Cash dropped his chocolate chip cookie on the floor at Meijer the other day and Dad refused to pick it up, you sweetly gave Cash your last 2 bites of your cookie.   I truly do not know what to do with you, and yet, I would not know what to do without you.

You are so smart.  You know your numbers almost as well as Cash. You can count and add all sorts of combinations on your fingers. You told me the other day that something was 10 units (I guess you get that from UmiZoomi!).  When we were talking about Beaver Island you mentioned that it was 50,000 away. 50,000 what, I don't know.... but I'm sure you do!

You love to read. You love to play on the iPad. You love to play Memory and kids Sequence.  You are so giving. When your size 8 boots crapped out on you (I'm pretty sure you were supposed to be wearing at least 10's...), you wanted to save them to give to Evie since she is walking now.

You are a natural at skiing. You are fearless. And just last week, I had to take you to the ER to get a staple in your head. No joke.   Just so we are clear, you have had ear tubes. Dislocated elbow. Broken arm. And now a staple in your head. You are three. And Dad and I have resigned ourselves to the fact that we will probably average at least one major hospital visit per year until you are well into your twenties.

Mom and Dad love you, Declan. We love you so much (million, zillion, billion, trillion, brillion).  Although you will (we predict) always take the path of most resistance, I know you will be do such wonderful things in your life. And we can't wait to see what those are.

Cashy, my Junior Kindergartener

Oh Cash.  My sweet, kind, giving, ultra-hilarious Cash.

You astound me every day. You started school last September and have embraced it full-throttle ever since. Your teacher is Miss Rachelle, and you are at New Branches Charter school, which we loooove. You have learned all your letters and how to write them. Many, many songs (even had your first-ever concert for holiday songs) show off your knowledge of months, colors, days, sounds, animals, etc. You get excited to learn new popcorn words every week ("T-H-E THE! (with a clap)"), get actual popcorn or a pickle (random!) on Fridays, and participate in things like family movie night and the book fair.

You are so giving. For Christmas we adopted a family instead of doing gifts for our immediate family. You were so happy to shop for presents for the 10 y/o boy and the 4 y/o girl who didn't have any presents. Now you are doing chores for your allowance, and dividing your money between saving, spending, and giving.  So anxious to start with the giving and so matter of fact that it's just the right thing to do since our family is so blessed. This is one thing that makes us so.proud of you.

You are hilarious. Always joking and being silly. You've started threatening us, but you have a high-pitched voice and (I think) you are kidding, so it makes us laugh. Yesterday we were sledding and there was a big hill, small plateau, and another big hill.  On the last run before ending (it was -10 windchill... brrrrr!) we did the first hill. I tried to call it quits and skip the second hill, and you were having none of that.  You said, "Weeellll... if you don't do the last hill with me, then we can't come back!"  I laughed, and said, "Well, we can't have that!" and off we went... down the second hill.

You made me laugh this morning in the car when asking how far it was to Andrea's house and I told you five minutes. You said, "hiiive?" and I said, "No, fiiiive." You followed this with, "HIIIVE?  That's not even a number!" You knew that wasn't what I said, but continued with being silly, and I laughed. 

You are also super smart.  When we had your first-ever parent/teacher conference you were above and beyond the rest of the class, and you excel in all you do. You are even using similes!  You told Auntie Kristyn that you were going to, "Run as fast as a dolphin can swim!"  Huh?? Where did you learn that?!

You started breakdancing.  You are the smallest and youngest and express yourself so amazingly.  We'll start breakdancing again in a few days (if we ever stop having snow days!). And you are so.so.so. creative.  Now that you have learned how to use scissors and tape, and have a never-ending supply of white paper and markers, you make anything and everything.  Such things, as included in the pictures attached, would be a sled, snow, a sled for Walter the Farting Dog, and a picture of you and Daddy holding hands.  You make people gifts all the time (such as a purse for me - white paper all taped together except one side, signs to wear around your neck, and hats).

I could go on and on. I'm hoping to remember some funny things you've said over the last 9 months so I can document them.  We just love you so much, Cash. Million, billion, zillion, grillion (our fave), tillion.

 



New Year's Resolution?

Oh my goodness.   I haven't posted since March 2013.  It's now JANUARY 2014!  Eek!  #fail. Wait, a hashtag doesn't do anything unless I use it in Twitter?  Golly, there's a revelation...

How am I supposed to cover 9 months in one post? Guess I'll gloss over it, then backtrack in more detail?

I'm SOOO glad my last post was the one on skiing.  Nathan and I agree it was the best day of our whole almost 10 year marriage.  We are actually taking them skiing again next weekend and the boys want to go on the big hills, not just the bunny hills. 

Cash finished out the summer at Andreas and started school in the fall!  I'll do another post on that all by itself. Let's just say he is excelling and getting smarter and bigger than ever!  At his 5 year check up I asked his doctor about his excessive intake of food and she noted that he grew 7 inches over the last year!  No wonder we can barely keep him in clothes and shoes.  On the bright side, Declan is getting some barely-used hand-me-downs.

Declan is in his final year at Andreas.  He will start pre-school next fall, although we aren't sure where yet since he's not old enough for Young Fives. Deck is also growinggrowinggrowing... so handsome and as smart as his brother.  If only he would take to being fully potty-trained.  It's our only complaint of our very independent child. He's almost 4 years old and just.won't.go.in.the.potty.

Nathan was on the cusp of starting his own business as he was fed up at Moss. Right before he quit, he was aggressively pursued at Custer.  When he asked them how they heard of him, they said, "Oh everyone knows who you are."  HUH?  He was thrilled to receive a very lucrative offer, and off he went.... and loves it! He's much happier and enjoying new challenges (and mama's enjoying the new pay that comes with it!).

As for me, I have been at my current role at Amway about 9 months. Although I enjoy it, my boss keeps talking about moving me out of my current role as I am being "wasted" in this one.  A great compliment, but I'll stick it out awhile longer.  I also decided to go back to school (eek!) for my Master's in Management. It will take several years, but Amway is footing most of the deal, so I didn't want to waste this opportunity.  So far I have two classes down, and 11 to go.  A's in both of them, but I might break that streak with my next class: Managerial Economics.

So that's that for now.  I'm going to try (this is the New Year's Resolution part) for a blog post every other week.  Or at least 26 by the end of the year.

Skiing, and Jokes, and Birthdays, oh my!

It has been a big month in the Murray household! My boys are growing up so fast. Such a cliche, I know, but it's true. We find ourselves pre-school shopping for Cash, flirting with 5T clothes (and Deck is completely into 3T), and watching our boys have conversations with each other (which is hilarious).

This winter marked a lot of firsts for us. We started off by taking the boys skiing with Uncle Joe and Aunt Mel.  We took them to Nubs Nob where they have the PERFECT bunny hill.   Joe and Nathan managed to get them up and into the chair lifts, and before long, they were getting very comfortable wth their skis.  We put a harness on them, which allowed for quick pickup, as well as two straps that came out of their backpack and allowed for them to be guided along. By the last two runs, Cash was able to get off the chair lift by himself without falling, and managed to ski down the hill, by HIMSELF!   He still fell a few times, but he was incredible. Declan was even attempting small jumps (where does he get this stuff?!) and wanted to go faster and faster. We were so proud that they were willing to try something new, and then extra proud when they actually did well with it. We skiied for almost 4 hours, and they can't wait to go back. 

Then we moved on to Kid's Joke Night, a part of LaughFest that goes on in Grand Rapids every year.  Cash got up first and told his jokes - all by himself this year! He was so brave, and the delivery was perfect. Grandma and Aunt Beth were even there volunteering so they got to watch.  Then Declan got up (best part: "And now... he wants to be a dragon when he grows up...  Declan!") and walked stone-faced up... grabbed the microphone, perfect delivery, and BAM -stone-faced walked right off again.  It was incredible.   My kids amaze me every day.

In every day news (just to mark a point in time many years from now) Nathan and I are still working out with Patrick twice a week. We are about to move into a house with Nathan's brother for one year before we make the Final Move to Rockford. Declan just turned three and we had a racecar birthday party for him at Auntie Kristyn and Uncle Jake's house.  We love having family movie night, and Steak and Shake seems to be our dinner choice most of the time if we choose to eat out. I have been offered a position as HR Coordinator at Amway, and Nathan's job is going well. I am also quitting the Kroc soon, which will be a relief (just to have one less thing on my plate). We are trying to potty-train Decky, but he seems to fear pooping in the potty (but apparently pooping in his pants is no big deal). Cash and Declan strive to be like their Daddy at all times, which basically means hanging out in their underwear or shorts at all times, and never wearing a shirt when at home. And the laundry.never.ends.  Ever. 

We are so happy.  We have an amazing family. We have an amazing life. I'm always terrified for the other shoe to drop, but try to just cherish what I have every day.  We are blessed.

Dooby-Dooby-Doo... where are you? We couldn't have a family without ya!

In case you think that my title is strange... that's what we sing to Declan to the tune of the scooby-doo theme.

Declan, Deck, Decky, Decky-do, Decker, Bro-bro... this post is all for you little buddy.

Oh Declan. Where to start?  You are weeks away from turning three. The most stubborn kid I know.  We like to call you 'independent' instead of defiant. :) You are unlike Cash in so many ways. Dad and I have predicted that you will always do things the hard way. You will always want to find out for yourself. And you will probably always think that you know more than Mom or Dad.

You are so sweet.  Such a loving child.  Although you don't like to snuggle as much as Cash, you will still pretend to be my baby once in a while.  You love to read, which is Mom's secret way to get you to snuggle more.  And you give the biggest squeezes and multiple kisses when I'm tucking you in. Then you request that I sing you skidamarinkydink and happy birthday every night.  Sometimes you ask for me to drop your animals from high up so you can catch them. Then you and your brother blow out the light like a birthday candle.

Whereas Cash is much more like me, you are so much like Dad. Less emotional. A little more serious most of the time. But, like Dad, when you are goofy... you are full-on goof.  You try to negotiate. A lot. And sometimes it works because you are so stinkin cute when you do it.

Your favorite snack hands-down is Cheez-its. We have to buy the Declan-size box (the family size) and it is your most requested snack. You are a chugger when it comes to anything liquid. This comes from Dad.

We are trying desperately to potty-train you. But in true Declan (and two-year-old) style, you only want to do it when YOU want to do it. I'm clinging to the fact that we still have 6 weeks until you are three. And three is the goal.  That will be $85 more a month that we can spend on Cheez-its. How can I make you understand that?? :)

When I asked you what you wanted for your birthday you told me a black balloon and a purple balloon... and the black balloon was for Ari (from daycare).  You love the entire wall of Hot Wheels wall-tracks that you've accumulated from Christmas. And you (like your brother) love anything electronic. You are great at the Mobi-go, and at the iPad (except you keep locking Dad's iPad because it has a code on it now!).

You love to take your shoes off in the car. You and Cashy LOVE to visit your grandma Ellen. You want to play on the iPad all the time. You love coming to the 'exercise toys' (where you can play while Mom and Dad work out). 

Decky. Mommy and Daddy and Bro-bro love you so much.  Our famly would not be complete without you.   When you aren't listening, and I tell you that Cashy and I are going to the store without you, Cash begs for me not to leave you behind.   That usually gets you to make better decisions... but not always. You are your own little person, and we are proud of you. I love you Decky-do.



Just a snapshot for each of my loves.

Hi boys. The only reason I'm writing this is because Aunt Katie is always guilting me into writing more.  Well, that's not entirely true... I WANT to do this, but either don't have make the time, or I just forget... because I don't do it often enough.

I don't want to forget all your goofy little things that you do and say.  And I want you to know how each of you were at this age.

Cashy-mashy, Cash-man, Bro-bro, Casher, Moopy (mom's nickname for you), Buddy (dad's nickname for you)

You are one silly boy.  And you are so much like Mommy.  Emotional, but overall a very happy child. You love to make people laugh by telling pirate jokes... or any kind of jokes  (your most recent: What did one snowman say to the other? Do you smell carrots?). You love to tease, especially if Mom asks you to do one thing... you pretend to do quite another, with a poop-eating grin on your face.

Although your personality is so much like Mommy, you want so desperately to be like your dad. And you actually look exactly like your Daddy did when he was your age. When you grow up you want to fix computers like you think Daddy does (it's a little more complicated than that...). You want to build things with Dad. And every Sunday morning you insist on making breakfast for Mommy while she sleeps in (cooking with Dad might be your favorite). Mom likes this one a lot. :)

Every time I ask you what you want Mom to make for dinner you request spaghetti.  You've recently gotten into burgers and insist, when ordering, on saying that you'd like a hamburger with no cheese, with ketchup, pickles, lettuce, patty, and the bun. You usually eat all your food, and the only thing you really don't care for are tomatoes (especially if they are spicy) and grilled cheese.

We took you to the movies to see Hotel Transylvania yesterday with your brother, and you were only 20 minutes into when you said, "Let's watch this movie again!"  You ate so much popcorn that you actually told me you ate too much, and drank about a half-dozen sips of Mom's Dr. Pepper, which you think is fabulous (because it is fabulous) but especially since you only get sips of pop at the movies.

Right now you love your EP Ellie (how you came up with this name, I have no idea) that I bought you when I was in Florida visiting Aunt Katie. At night you are listening to the silly songs CD on your new CD player, and then you also make me play the Christmas music from the musical wind-up snowman thingy (which I had packed away with the Christmas decorations, but you cried until I got it out again).

You are so smart, Cash. You could teach Grandma a few things about the iPad, that's for sure. You pick up games like Plants vs. Zombies, Dad's racing motorcycle game, and blow any kid's games out of the water. You still love Caillou (but are thankfully growing out of that) and are getting more enthralled with Phinneus and Ferb, The Fairly Odd-Parents, and to Dad's happiness... the old Spiderman cartoons.

By the way, you are four and half now.  We are looking into pre-school for you in the fall with mixed emotions. Sad to leave Miss Andrea, but so excited (and Mom is secretly terrified) for you to start 'real' school.  Dad thinks you are going to test out of pre-school and walk right into Kindergarten, but I'm not sure you'd be emotionally ready for first grade the following year.  But there is no doubt that you are the smartest 4 year old I know. You know all your letters, numbers (although you keep forgetting to count 14...), and have now memorized my favorite song - I want a hippopotamus for Christmas.

I love you so much I feel I might explode sometimes, and I sometimes watch you when you sleep, or snuggle in bed with you and play with your hair while you are snoozing away.  Re-reading this, it sounds super creepy, but it's a mom's right. And I know that I'm on borrowed time. There are so many more things, and hopefully it won't be so long before my next post.  

Ok, this one turned in to a super-long post.... I'll give Declan his own. :) I love you, Moopy.



I don't have a title today.

This will be somewhat depressing post, as I feel depressed.

Currently a local radio station is holding their annual Roofsit for Kids fundraising event. They sit on a roof for 48 hours and raise money to stop child abuse in West Michigan. People call in from all over and tell their stories. They break my heart, and I wish that I could donate as much as it would take to stop these monsters.

I can't even describe the article that I just read about a 15 week little girl. I'm not going to try. It is too heinous, and I truly hope that I forget it happened because it's so unbelieveable. I'm hoping that someday my children will read this blog and I don't want to taint their brains or put images in their heads.

All my children need to know is that parents have one main job and a neverending amount of other jobs. The main job of a parent is to protect their children. It's not a hard concept. You make sure they are fed, and changed, and warm in their jammies at bedtime. You make sure the doors to the steps are closed, and that there are plugs in the electrical outlets. Do accidents happen? Yes. Of course they do. Just last night Nathan left his razor by the side of the sink and Declan almost put it in his mouth. Once I put a hot dish too close to Cash and he burned his fingers when he touched it. I felt terrible. Things happen.

But to voluntarily abuse your children. To hit them because of problems in YOUR life. To tell them they are worthless and will never succeed. To violate their tiny bodies and take away their innocence. I do n.o.t. understand.  These are the people that can just go to hell. Not someday, when they are 90 years old. But now.  God can just take them away. Or the government can put them in an electric chair. I'm ok with that too. Just put these children somewhere safe. They need to be protected.

If you decide to have children, love them.  Or, even if you don't love them - maybe they were an unwelcome surprise - protect them by putting them with a family who WILL love them. There are thousands of parents out there who just need a child to love.

Scariest part of parenting for me is not being able to protect my children as they get older. I'll do the best I can. But I will never hit them. I will never tell them they are worthless. I will never beat or tear them down to make me feel better. The end.

Oh, and if you don't buckle your children into their carseat or make them wear a belt, shame on you. Even if you are a great parent, that is a fail. You aren't protecting them.

My silly boys

This one is for my Cashy and Dooby.

You are now 2 and 3, although Cash is edging his way into 4 in a matter of weeks.  We are planning on having a monster-themed party. But "nice" monsters, because Declan doesn't like scary monsters.

You two get along most of the time. Declan has to do everything that his bro-bro does, and most of the time Cash, you encourage him to do well. Although a few of those times you are, let's say, not so supportive.

You both love playing on the iPad. I think you like Mom's more than Dad's, but each have their own games at which you you enjoy and excel. You are both learning numbers, letters, and pick up more and more phrases every day. 

I love it when Cash says, "Apparently."  "Apparently, the ducks are really hungry because they are coming over so fast!"  I love it when Declan sticks his pointer finger up in the air to emphasize a point.  "O-tay, Mommy, and I'm going to be good boy!"  I love it when you laugh and giggle even after we turn out the lights and tuck you in. Then we have to go in and pretend to be not-very-happy that Declan is in Cashy's bed and you have super tight grips around each other's necks. But secretly, I am happy that you love each other so much.

Some of your favorite things to do are:

• Go for a bike ride where Daddy pulls you (especially if we end up at the ice cream shop)
• Go to the little place to get hot dogs (and sometimes ice cream)
• Jump off the couch onto the pillows (which is only an activity we do when Daddy is watching you)
• Go golfing with Daddy (and it's nice when Mommy comes, too)
• Go to the store (at Family Fare they have free popcorn, and at Meijer they have free cookies and a horse)
• Drop stuffed animals on your head from way up high when we tuck you in so you can catch them
• Hide from Daddy when he comes home from work so he thinks we aren't there
• You love to go camping. Particulary when you can run all over the camper without touching the floor

There is so much more. I'll have to come back and keep adding.  Mommy and Daddy love you both so much and cherish all the time that we have together. Please don't stop snuggling and kissing your Mommy. I think my heart would break.

Things my mother told me

In the fall I start thinking of my mom more than usual. This is around the time that she died and Suicide Awareness is all around. I even went back and listened to some voicemails from her that I have saved. That sounds weird, but it's actually kind of comforting.

I think she would be surprised at some of the lessons that she taught me that stuck. Things a child picks up on just by being around a parent. I still don't drink pop before 11am. Ever. I'll drink coffee and creamer it up enough that it probably has more calories than my beloved Dr. Pepper, but you know... coffee is a morning drink. Pop isn't to be drunk until after 11. Ever.

No tv in the mornings. We just don't do it. Morning time is for getting ready. You can read a book. Play in your room. Go back to sleep until it's time to go. But no tv. (She also didn't like radio music on in the morning either - which I made her listen to once I became an adult and was driver of the car -with it turned down low, of course.)  I don't whole-heartedly follow the no tv rule. Sometimes my boys watch a show in the morning while I'm getting ready. It keeps them happy and quiet.... until I turn it off. Then it's Meltdown City. And I think to myself, "Maybe my mother was on to something with the 'no-tv' rule."

I'm happy to say that I'm a giver. I get that from her - from both my parents actually. I donate time, energy, money when I have it.  I'm not sure if I've ever met a more giving person than my mother. If she ever saw a way to help, she would. When she heard of a neighbor's daughter's house burning down, she started a campaign in the apartment complex that she lived in to get them resources. When someone was sick, she'd come over and take care of them. When I had to work a lot, she'd come over and do my laundry. I'm so glad that I got that trait from her (except the love of doing laundry).

Don't get me wrong, she was sometimes a nutso energy sucker, but that's a blog for another time (or not).

I don't delude myself into thinking the last few years were great. They weren't that great. But they weren't that bad, and I'm happy that I was able to have a few years with her living close. I know that I tried my hardest to be a good and forgiving daughter, and to put up with her nuttiness because I knew that someday (probably not too far away) I wouldn't have a mother anymore. As crazy as she was, I miss her. She was my mom. Sometimes she is in my dreams and she's just Mom. I can hear her voice and she's usually being a little manic, but it's a comfort to me. I wake up and am happy that I was able to feel like I had a mom again, just for a few minutes.

I hate how much she's missing and how she made the choice to miss it. My children growing up. Her great-granddaughter being born. The last Twilight movie. Her two non-athletic daughters running a triathlon together. Sad.

But I do my best to keep her memory alive. We talk about Grammy with the boys. We look at pictures, and talk about the books Grammy gave Cash, or when she took him to the park, or held Declan for the first time. That's all we can do.

Who do we have?

I have to post this sweet story because I don't ever want to forget it.

Like most families, we have a bedtime routine. Start prepping them ("Okay... last show then it's bedtime"), then while they are watching some combination of Team UmiZoomi (if it's up to Declan) or Phinneus and Ferb (Cash's recent obsession, which actually isn't that bad...) they get their jams on.  After that it's a book or two, (most of the time) brushing their teeth, crawling through Mommy's legs to their room like bears/lions/dogs going into their cave, and going to sleep with the proper amount of snuggles, hugs, kisses, and dropping various stuffed animals onto their heads.

About three or four months ago we added another ritual which has turned into a hilarious and fun (although repetetive) thing. Daddy and I are getting a little tired of if EVERY night but we can't say no.  It started when Nathan was rocking with the boys in their room and I came in and said, "Who do we have here?!"  Then pointing at each one, I'd say, "Do we have peanut better, and jelly, and bread?" And they'd say "No....."  Then I'd say, "Do we have Vegas, and Sydney, and Dannydog?" And they'd say, "Noooo...." Then after about 6 more rounds of getting it wrong, finally I finish with, "Do I have Cashy, and Daddy, and Decky?" Then they all shout, "YES!!!"  and then they immediately get off the rocker and get in their beds.

So we alternate between who gets to sit in the rocker - Daddy or Mommy - and the things we come up with range from animals/pets, people we know, food we eat, places we go, clothes we wear. Seriously. Anything we can come up with. So last night Nathan and I really didn't want to do it so we were suggesting to them that THEY do it. Cash didn't want to. So we said, "Declan, you say who we have!" of course not expecting him to do it since he's only two.

But we should have known better!  Our little Decky-doo gets all serious and points to each of us and says in a very sweet voice with broken sentences, "uh-have Papa... and Gwamma Letta... and uh-ka (Erica)..." and we all said, "Noooo...." and he says, "uh-have kitty... and doggy...and bunny..." and we said, "Noooo...." Then he said, "uh-have chair, and chair, and chair?" and we said (while laughing in delight), "No..." and I said, "Do one more!" (just because I was loving it so much) and he pointed to each of us and said, "uh-have Daddy, and Mommy, and Cashy?"  And we all shouted, "YES!"

I was almost in tears from laughing and being so proud. What a smart kiddo! Cash has declared that he'd like to do it tonight so I'm much looking forward to seeing what he comes up with. My guess it will be centered more around farts, weiners, and eating things like worms.

This is an old picture, but it's the same rocker we sit in every night!

Molly + Nate does not = the same child (and that's ok)

Funny how different two kids can be. From one set of parents to another, yes it makes sense. But when the same two people keep having kids, it amazes me that they can be so different from each other.

Before we had Cash, Nathan and I had no idea what a little person that we created would be like. Would he have Dad's sense of humor and Mom's clearly superior looks? (Just kidding...) Would he be level-headed like Dad ("it is what it is"), or an emotional trainwreck like Mom (what do you MEAN you ate my Peanut Butter Cups!??)? Based on the printout that we got from Dave and Buster's when we put our two pictures together, our child was going to be doomed in the looks department.

What we got (the first time around) was a sweet, good-looking, and hilariously funny little boy (who definitely falls in the 'emotional' category, like Mom). His likes range from entertaining people, trying new foods, going to the store (especially when we all go), and gardening with Grandma. He dislikes S'mores when they are actually assembled, the part in All Dogs Go To Heaven where he realized that the little girl didn't have any parents (he sobbed over that one), and when the pink bear in Toy Story 3 yells at the other toys.  Other than that I've had a hard time coming up with things he dislikes. He's pretty easy-going like Dad, but emotional like Mom.

When Nathan and I wondered what our second child would be like, we imagined this child to be exactly like Cash. We don't have much imagination, so we just figured Molly + Nathan = a child like Cash.

Then along comes Declan. My more independent child. Sweet, loving, and also funny. Those are traits Cash has as well, so how can they be so different?! Declan has been independent from the moment he stopped breast-feeding at 6 months. I cried because he simply wouldn't do it anymore. No amount of coercion could convince him to be dependent on Mommy any longer. He's such a good little boy, but man, does he try my patience. Everything has to be done on his own and done the hard way.  He rarely wants help unless it's to read to him. He has very selective hearing (mostly when Mom is asking him to do something he doesn't want to do). And he's a tester. Where are the boundaries? How high will Mom count? Will she really stop at 3? What if I just go stand by the shoes but don't actually get them like Dad asked? Does Cash like it when I sit on his back in the bathtub and and pretend he's a horse (totally not kidding on that one)? I know it's all part of growing and and especially being 2, but Cash never really went through this phase (or it's just a difference in personalities) so it's been strange getting used to it.

He can be trying, but he's also very sweet. He is very smart and picks up puzzles and songs very quickly. He loves to tell jokes like Cash does, but it mostly consists of, "Knock knock" <who's there?> "ummmm...bro-bro" <bro-bro who?> "ummm.... Mama"  so we are still working on that. :)  And in the morning, and sometimes at night, he'll still snuggle with me. I cherish those moments and try to file away the memory under, "They'll never be this little again."

This doesn't even skim the surface of their different personalities. But no matter what they are like, Nathan and I are so proud of each of them. They are sweet, funny, well-mannered, smart, and they're ours.

In honor of Declan being such a little independent person, here are some shots of his newly acquired mohawk. And a silly one of Cash earning money by taking the cans back to Meijer.

Wiping off the dust

FFPHHEEEWWWW....  (That's me blowing the dust off this long-forgotten about blog.)

I'm tired of getting guilt-tripped by Katie (although she's really only reminding me of the guilt that I'm already feeling) about how I haven't written a blog post since NOVEMBER. I can tell you exactly why I didn't go back to writing, but mostly it would just be an excuse.

About a week after my last post, a friend of mine killed himself. More specifically, my best friend's husband killed himself.  So tragic, and for awhile I thought to myself that my blog seemed so trivial compared to what my friend is going through. How can I write about how happy my life is and how I feel so lucky when her life has now been turned upside down and her two-year old is now without her daddy? There's nothing to say, not much to do. and the fact that she lives 600 miles away just did not help the situation (in terms of me helping her). I wanted to write a post for him, and I started to a few times, but I could never get it right.

So I put it off... and off.. until I really recognized that my boys aren't getting any younger. In fact, every day they do something new and it amazes me. They make me laugh, and sometimes make me want to bang my head against a wall, but mostly they do the cutest little things that I don't want to forget. So here I go again... Blog, round 2.

Below is a picture of my aforementioned friend (to the right of Nathan) that was taken at Nathan's 30th birthday party. Sadly, the friend on the left also killed himself a few months after the picture was taken. Add that to my mother killing herself almost two years ago, and this is becoming a real downer of a blog.

Despite the conflicted emotions that come with looking at this picture, I still love it. What a great weekend that was. What sweet memories we have of our loved ones. Don, and Bill, and Mom... you are missed more than you know. So much is happening to the ones you've left behind, and you are missing it all. But as we move forward, and our kids get older, we'll cherish our memories and the times that we had together. Well, most of them. There are a few with my mother I'd rather forget, but what can you do?

womp, WomP WOMP....

And now...  on to happier (and mostly completely random) posts.

Thanksgiving 2011

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. My boys are 3 years old and 20 months. While getting jammies on, I was asking Cash what we are thankful for. Earlier he replied with answers such as "Cheez-Its" "pretzels" and "peanut butter crackers" thus fully demonstrating the very here and now thoughts of a 3 year old.

So while getting on jammies, he said he couldn't think of anything (basically he doesn't understand the concept of Thanksgiving - hence why we were talking about it!). So I said, "Remember when talked about it earlier? When you named all those foods that we have and we are so thankful that we have food to eat? We are so lucky that we never go hungry. Cash, did you know that there are some people who don't have very much food? Sometimes there are kids that are hungry." And he got very concerned, obviously really thinking about that.  Then he said, "But maybe we can share!"  Cue Mom's tears. What a simple response. What a simple answer. And to a 3 year old, there is nothing complicated about it. I am such a proud mommy.

We talked a little more about it and he got more and more excited saying, "We can share, Mommy! There are some kids, and they don't have any food, and they are hungry, and we'll say, 'here's some food!' and then they won't be hungry!"

The thing is, we're broke. I always feel like we are broke. Never enough money. Too many bills to pay (DAMN IT, why did we go to college!?  j/k)  And with being somewhat jobless as of late, it's gotten worse and worse.  Like many families in America, I have to set a tight food budget, plan meals with the idea the leftovers will be lunch (not always a bad thing!), and we sometimes have cereal for dinner. But seriously. If we can still afford pop, cookie dough, or order in a pizza, we can't be doing too bad.

So now I am on the hunt for a food pantry so we can go pick out some canned goods (at the store, not the food pantry), drop them off and show Cash how we can help. Even if we'll be eating cereal that night.

Counting my blessings and running out of fingers and toes!

It's that time of year. The holidays are coming up. Snow has covered the ground (and disappeared all in the same day!). And I personally think that everyone has done a GREAT job not focusing on Christmas until we are done with Thanksgiving!

It seems to be a popular thing where everyone is posting 30 days of thankfulness on Facebook. This is actually a refreshing change from people bitching and moaning! I didn't get on the 30 day posting bandwagon, but at least I can write it here, and then anyone who feels so inclined can read it here!

I'm thankful for:
-My sweet little boys, Cash and Declan. They are (as I tell them daily) my whole world.  They light up my life, drive me crazy, and make my heart feel better all at the same time.
-My wonderful husband, Nathan. He is my best friend. He makes me laugh, occasionally makes me cry, and is always there to kick my butt out of self-pity when I am down.
-Nathan's very stable job which allows me to have a flexible schedule in working, thus also allowing me to have time to take care of our household, make doctor's apointments, and cook.
-My KS family, who I don't get to see near enough. Especially thankful when they make the time and effort to come visit me in MI.  I can't wait to hold a Christmas in July when we have our next house and all members of my KS family will be expected to be there!
-My MI family, who I still don't get to see near enough. :)  I have the best in-laws a person could ask for, and so much support for my boys. Especially grandma.
-Our FL family, who we REALLY don't get to see near enough. But the boys love their Papa and Grandma Letta (and sometimes if we are lucky, Auntie Erica!) so much, and we take advantage of our time when we do get the opportunity to visit!
-The second mother of our household, Andrea. She is our daycare provider and I don't know what we would do without her and her loving family! They are so good to our boys and we never worry when they are with her!!
-My girlfriends, of which I have many. They understand. They let me vent without too much judging. And they make me laugh. Alot.
-All my non-parent parents. Ricky and Tricia. DeAnn and Bruce. My Kroc mom, April. I'm very blessed to many parental figures in my life, even though I'm in my thirties.
-To have two working cars that don't have car payments. *knock on wood*
-Deans French Onion Dip, Dr. Pepper, Reeces Peanut Butter Cups, and Jet's 8 corner pizza.
-The opportunity to work in a fitness center, which keeps me working out on a semi-regular basis, and provides a great place to train for 5ks, and triathlons.
-Facebook. Such a silly thing to be thankful for, but I get to keep in touch with family, with friends, share pictures, and stalk people.
-Dave Ramsey. Is this a silly thing to be thankful for?  Well, going through his 13 week course really put our financial situation into perspective, and made us set realistic goals so we can be debt-free and have a great retirement!

What else?? So many things. I am very blessed. I make sure to tell my boys (all 3 of them) every day how much I love them. I'm going to make sure that as my children grow up, they are always thankful for the things that we have. That might not be alot when it comes to cool toys, or nice cars, or expensive vacations, but we have so much more than that. And I am thankful.

The things we're teaching.

Parenting is a big responsibility. There is this little person (or two) that you are in charge of. You are supposed to teach them all the do's and don't's of life. The things that are appropriate... or not. Oh, and don't get me started on manners. If you aren't teaching your children manners and how to be polite, and respect others, then SHAME ON YOU. Don't even get me started.

Here's the thing, though. Having small children is also an opportunity to teach them how to have fun, how to be silly, and with that: how to be creative.  And sometimes you just can't help but show them the things that make life fun, even if they aren't always the most appropriate. Here are some things we do in our household to have fun.

Dipping: one of the first thing that parents show children while thinking, "I know I'm going to regret this at every meal after this."  There is nothing more magical to a toddler than dipping. Whether it's pancakes into syrup sausage into orange juice, hot dogs into ketchup carrot sticks into soup, or chicken nuggets into ranch green beans into yogurt, dipping.is.fun.

Snuggling: not that snuggling is bad. Not at all. Forget about that 1% of you (well, me at least) that appreciates a sick kid when they wouldn't snuggle with you otherwise.  Or when you sacrifice watching adult TV and suffer through a.n.o.t.h.e.r. episode of Caillou (yech!) in exchange for two snuggling boys. Oh, and then there was last night, when Cash got out of bed, came to my room where I was reading, and said, "Mommy, I want to snuggle with you."  I didn't care that it was 10:00 at night. I said, "Come on up, Monkey." And prayed we weren't starting a bad habit.

Bodily noises: seriously. You can't live with two little boys and not laugh when they look surprised after a fart, smile at you after a burp, or giggle while making themselves sneeze just so YOU will laugh (true story: Declan somehow made himself sneeze about 15 times). Or the best is when Nathan or I fart (gasp!) and look at the boys and THEY say, "'Scuse me."  HAHAHA!  Funny kiddos.

A few other honorable mentions: Nathan showing them how to put the couch pillows on the floor and jump off the couch onto them (while I was at work!), giving them a snack right before dinner... so I can make dinner, and getting our clothes all wet from playing in puddles - it's just water, people! Clothes will dry.

I know there are many more things, and maybe even a few I wouldn't want to publicly admit on my blog (but will gladly share with you after a glass of wine). But overall, I am very content and happy that we are raising two VERY polite, very sweet, and uber-hilarious children.

The things I don't want to forget.

I love watching my get bigger and smarter and funnier. The things that come out of their mouths amaze me. Especially when Cash dropped the s-bomb after spilling cold water on himself (at least he used it correctly!) and the time he said, "damn it!" all day at daycare. Which, by the way, my daycare lady's husband thought was hilarious. We thought it was funny too, but obviously had to nip in the bud!  Recently we've had two funny stories that I want to remember, so I'll document them while also keeping you amused for a few minutes.

Nathan is currently in New Jersey for a training, and so I have the boys on my own for a few days. We had to go run some errands on Sunday (he had already left town) so I told Cash that we had to leave in a little while to go run some errands. He said that he didn't want to go, and that I could go, and he would watch Declan. I said, "You are going to babysit?" and he said, "No I'll just watch him."  I told him that was very sweet but that this time they could just both go with me. Then I sweetened the deal with Apple Dippers from McDonalds (which was selfish because I really just wanted a Coke).  We still had some free coupons for the Apple Dippers so we wouldn't want them to go to waste!

Then today we were on our way to daycare and at a stoplight.  There is a gas station at that light, and then a liquor store across the street.  We've been at that stoplight hundreds of time, so he know that is where Daddy gets beer (which is funny because Nate has actually NEVER shopped there). So here is how that conversation went:

Cash: Look, Mommy! There's Daddy's beer truck!
Me:  Yup, that one's called Miller Lite.
C: What's that man doing?
M: He's taking the beer inside to the store.
C: Maybe Daddy can get beer from the beer truck.
M: Nope, the truck takes it to the store and then Daddy has to go to the store to get it. He can't get it from the truck. But sometimes if we go to a nice restaurant he can get it there. Not like McDonalds, though.
C: Yea, McDonalds is mean.
M: What?
C: McDonalds is mean.

I then spend  5 seconds trying to figure out what he's talking about when I realize that I said we had to go to a NICE restaurant (as opposed to a mean one). I started laughing and then spent the next few minutes trying to explain 'fancy' to him. 

Too funny. That kid cracks my shit up. Oops - I guess we know where he gets the swear words...

The joys of potty training.

My whole life right now revolves around peeing and pooping. No joke. Although I've gotten hear so many people brag about their early potty trainers ("She was fully trained by two!" "He watched his older brother and was trained by 18 months" "She walked out of my uterus and said, "Mommy, I have to go!""), my almost-three-year-old was apparently a slacker. He just showed no interest. So I wasn't going to push it, although spending $40 a month on diapers (times two kids!) was really starting to get on my nerves.

I started prepping Cash about a month before his third birthday. When someone would ask him how old he was going to be on his birthday, his answer became a robotic, "Three, and we don't wear diapers when we're three." This always got a laugh, but underneath it was serious tone.

About two weeks after we started this mantra,  we took a weekend to begin. Off with the diaper, on with the big boy underwear (forget superheroes and dinosaurs, he has to have underwear that looks like Daddy's!), and in with the fluids. He went pee 7 times that day! Woohoo! Stickers and candy all around! From then on, he was pee-trained. 

Now comes the hard part (literally... ew!). Pooping. For some reason little kids are afraid to poop on the potty. I'm not sure if it's the new sensation (lack of sitting in your own $hi+??) or the actual poop itself (apparently some kids think it's going to "get them!") but he began to hold it. And hold it. And hold it. Anyone who's ever been constipated can relate. Poor little dude. Cue increase of non-diluted apple juice, decrease in bananas, and a pooping prize-box.

*side note - I did have an episode last night with a floater in the tub. Good news was I got him out in time to finish on the potty. Poor Declan - he did NOT look happy about the extra bath toy in his bath (they were bathing together!).
I think I can (knock on wood) say that Cash is now OFFICIALLY potty trained. And 95% of it was by his 3rd birthday.  Thanks to the grandparents buying lots of new undies for him, we now got a $40 a month raise! Go Cashy!

Out of the Darkness

Well, it's been a LONG time since my last post, and since the last one was about my mom, I'll start again with the same subject. On October 1st, I did the Out of the Darkness walk for suicide awareness and prevention. Thanks to the generosity of my friends and family, I raised over $600 for the cause, and our team was 3rd place in raising money. What an amazing walk it was. Although it was cold, the sun was out, and people were in good spirits. The group that put the walk on did an amazing job. They put together a video of the walker's loved ones who had commited suicide, offered a banner you could sign, a reflection area, and even a smores station halfway through.

We had a wonderful group to walk with. Shalene, Stefanie and her mom, San, Lori, Breona, and two new friends we met that day, Kitty and her husband, Dave. Oh, and a four-legged friend, Churchill. We all had lost a friend or a loved one. My favorite thing about the walk (which was also very sad) was you could wear beads representing the loved one that you lost. Red for a spouse, orange for a parent, green for sibling, and so on. It was interesting to see, without even talking to a person, a little piece of their story.

The walk was another step closer to having closure. It was good to bring the somewhat taboo issue "out of the darkness" and to be able to talk frankly about our stories and the issue. I hope to do it again next year, and hope that they money raised will help others.

I miss my mom.

Tomorrow it will have been a year since my mom died. I've done a lot of reflecting this week on my relationship with my mom. The ups, the downs, and the slightly (or not-so-slightly?) crazy.

I always knew that she would take her own life. For as long as I remember, she always said she believed in what Dr. Kevorkian was doing assisting the elderly or in pain to end their lives. I know it sounds crazy but she always said she wasn't going to live her life in pain or with someone having to take care of her every need. I think she was particularly fearful of Alzheimers. But I never thought it would be before my children were grown.

Although my mom was only 61, she had many problems both mentally and physically. She had been bipolar for a long time and was the poster child for alternating between extreme manic times and extreme depressing times.  She was starting to have problems with her memory forgetting entire conversations, or just little details.  She also had some physical problems ranging from shoulder issues, migraines, and a weird stomach lesion thing that only allowed her to eat sweets and meat.

Despite all of that (and so much more), I try to remember the good times that I had with her. I am glad that she was able to meet both of my children. She loved them so much, always buying them little toys, and just being happy to read a book or sit on the floor and play with them. I have a few pictures of her with each of the boys, playing with them, and reading, and that's something I'll always treasure.

There are so many other things that stick out in my mind. Although she drove me nuts, we had a lot of good times too.  It seemed to alternate every other moment. I was particularly sentimental the other day while I was at Taco Bell of all places.  She always loved the verde salsa from there and then it was discontinued for awhile. The other day I saw that it was back, and available in little packets so you could put it on yourself.  I thought of my mom and thought what a shame it was that she wasn't around to see that.  Stupid, I know, but made me sad nonetheless.

On October 1st, I'll be doing a walk called Out of the Darkness. The goal is to increase suicide awareness and work on methods of prevention. My goal is to raise $500 and I'm almost there. I hope that it can help many people through what I've been through, and maybe prevent some people from making the tragic decision to end their lives.

I Tri(ed) and did awesome!

I DID IT! I wrote down a list of goals when I turned 31: Things I wanted to accomplish.  On that list of a half a dozen items, "Complete a triathlon" was on my list.  I had just completed a 5k, which was a goal for when I had turned 30, so I was feeling good about it. As the months wore on, I lost focus and motivation and came up with a list of excuses why I 'couldn't' do it. No time to train, I'm not strong enough, I don't have a bike, I'll probably finish last... excuse after excuse. Then as the summer wore on, and I was losing weekends every time I turned around, I decided I needed to do it. Why the HELL not!? Why NOT me?  Ok, so I probably would still finish last but hey! At least I would have finished!

So I made the time.  I got stronger. I borrowed a bike. And in the end I didn't finish last. (Close to last but oh well - just more room for improvement!)  And it was amazing. Other than growing and birthing two little humans in my body (which really was left more up to biology than sheer will) it was the most awesome thing I've ever done.

Race day came and with lots of advice from one friend in particular (my inspiration - thanks Jen Lake!), I got all set up, felt the water, relaxed, and set in to enjoy it. "You only get one first tri," she said. I was slow in the water - but not the slowest - and I didn't drown!  Great start! Got on the bike with a rush of adrenaline, and I was off!  I even looked all official with my tri suit and the gu I was 'eating' on the bike. And I was passing people! Woohoo! Got done with the bike, and now I was really pumped - just a simple (ha!) 3 miles and I'm a triathlete!  I just took it one mile at a time, and wow. I told Nathan that although it sounds cheesy, I felt so liberated! I'm doing it! I'm DOING a triathlon! I am a strong and amazing woman! Go me!!


Passed that finish line, almost threw up on my friends who were congratulating me (almost), and enjoyed the feeling of success. I'm already looking forward to my next tri, in a few weeks. I'm going to shave at least 10 minutes of time, and put myself in a good position for next year. Now if only I can convince Nathan to do one with me. :) That will be on my goal list when I turn 32.

                                                           Before the tri - bring it on!

                                                                   After the tri - I SURVIVED!